'Cause there's alotta cool shit I want
I know I've been naughty But cut me some slack
'Cause theres alotta cool shit I want
- Tenacious D
Yo Santa, how bout some brakes for my cross bike that do not double as distant warning devices. The Avid Shorty’s I am running are a wee tad noisy. OK… I will be honest… these bitches screech like a bag of cats every time the pads get near the rim. I have reset the toe-in on them multiple times and removed anything that hinted of glaze. Still, any pressure on the levers brings on the cacophony. The bright side is that Dave Towle will always know where I am on the course. By the way Dave, I am still waiting for you to use my name in conjunction with your patented “they are throwing body blows” phrase. Just listen for the squealing brakes and you will know I am coming back round to you. So Santa, Katie “Straight Outta” Compton seems to be doing just fine on a combination of Rol Wheels and TRP brakes, can you hook a brutha up with those?
And Kris…. While you are at it, how about a 2nd set of wheels. As a first year racer, I did not think I needed a 2nd set of wheels. I figured that if things got bad, I could always just steal one of Rich’s pit wheels like I have done so far this season. Well, this last weekend that plan went all to shit when I showed up at Sunday’s race and discovered that the course was mud and snow. All good except I had Challenge Griffos on the one pair of hoops I have and those bad boys are not exact mud and snows if ya know what I mean. The Michelin Muds that I should have been running were hanging in the garage. A 2nd set of hoops would allow this clod a bit of flexibility to adapt to the course.
OK… those first two are wants…. this next one is a certified need. Santa, what this kid needs is a custom Kevlar impregnated left knee. I would ask for instant skilz that allow me to stop crashing but you and I both know that ain’t gonna happen. So the next best thing is to install something in or on the left knee so that I stop tearing it wide open. Sunday was the third time this season. Crap man, the course EMTs all know be by a first name now!!!
To shave or not to shave...... that was never the question.
And finally, how bout we install and automatic clean on the steed. Sunday’s race was completely kick ass with all the mud. But the clean up afterwards was a three beer process. Not that that is a bad thing.
Thanks for reading my list Santa, I can't wait to see what is under the tree.
b.
PS. Beside the milk and cookies is a vial of Pot Belge and a syringe. This is for Rudolf, not you. If Martina Hingis and half the pro peleton are any example, just pop him in the ass with this stuff and hang on big guy!
If you can hear them squeal, you're using your brakes too much. They're good for frightening the crap out of the guy you're chasing though. He'll usually pull over and let you past because he's embarrassed at slowing you down so much.
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