A Different Type of CX

So…. I know this guy who does border enforcement via helicopter down in Arizona. He continually cracks me up with stories of exploits of the continual contest between the fine citizens of Mexico coming up to the US for a better life and he and his colleges who are trying to insure they do it in accordance with the laws in the US. It seems that all the rhetoric from the US about closing the border has lit a fire under anyone who was considering coming this way and they have gotten there move on. The numbers of individuals crossin’ the border are up significantly in his area. This turns out to not be a completely bad thing. From the vantage point of his helicopter, (I always get a image Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom where “I Marlon will ride safely in the helicopter above while Jim wrestles the water buffalo in heat”) he noticed that the thousands and thousands of people walking through the desert has created a network of some of the best mtb trails out there. When he told me this, I pointed out that the heat, lack of water, cactus and poisonous animals would be the only drawbacks to some epic riding.

It seems that we are not the only ones on to wax poetic about this new way to cross. Throughout the spring and summer, he has watched hombre’s get their need to thrash satiated in the desert wilds of southern AZ.

I thought it would be entertaining to do a quick compare and contrast of these masters of night crossin’ with the form of CX that we all know and love.

Some of the differences are fairly obvious:
Preferred kit = Wool Poncho vs. Logo laden skinsuit.
Preferred Beer = Corona vs. Duvel

But, other differences require pictures to really appreciate.For instance, in Europe, the sound of a helicopter lets the riders know that they are about to get some serious pub for their sponsors (Admittedly, this is not as much the case as CX races as it is on the road). On the Mexican/US border, the thumping of helicopter blades causes the peleton to do this.

And the riders to do this.

You probably noticed by now that each rider carries his own water via 1 gallon jugs. There must me some strict “No Friggin Hand-ups!!!!!!” rules in this league.

But the biggest differences are in the steeds they ride. It seems that carbon is not allowed in the desert. These rides are all steel on steel. They come in multiple models. First up is the Classic Death Cruiser or CDC for short. It looks like you pull this bad boy out of the stable when the course is flat and fast. It comes with an after-market rack that allows you to ride to the race and then haul all your winnings back home with you.

The best thing about the CDC is that it comes with a 5 speed rear cassette that lets the rest of the pack know you could go faster if you wanted to. But, you would have to install shifters and a derailleur… and who really needs that when you are crossing the desert at night?

Next up is the classic retro mtn bike. Grab an old GT, load up the knobbies full of Slime, chuck the front brake and you are ready to rip. Again, multiple chain rings are there to give notice that top speeds can be had. But having a front derailleur is just asking for a mechanical when the chips are down.

And finally, there is the Desert Torch. This beast is built for nothing but pure speed. If Bicycling Magazine reviewed this frame, they would tell us that the twin top tubes make the bike laterally stiff and yet keep it surprisingly vertically compliant. The truth is, the Desert Torch comes with twin top tubes to insure stability at high speeds and high angles of descent. Note the front brake to nowhere. This allows you to grab a handful and thus give the competition the impression that you are in fear of your clothes flying off due to the speed you are carrying, yet suffer no acutual reduction in speed. No sir… the only way to slow the Desert Torch down is via the custom speed modulator that is installed on a wire hanging off the rear seat stay. Operation of the custom speed modulator does require flexibility only found after 3 years of yoga.


Due to a little known fact that border enforcement helicopters are known to have a taste for high end Scotch as well as the establishment of NAFTA, we are now seeing some of these steeds arrive further north and begin the process of being retro-fitted for an assault on the local coffee shop.