Redneck Paparazzi

A couple weeks ago, I took a day off of work so that I could help set up the ICCC CX course. So, instead of heading to work at 7am, I was heading down to the local coffee shop. It was a normal fall morning here in Colorado. Temps in the low 30's deg F, and clear skies. As I was driving down a narrow residential street in South, Denver this.......er...... "thing on two wheels" we'll call it.... passed across the street about 1/2 block in front of me. It was one of those moments where you say to yourself..."NFW!!! I did not just see that!" Naturally, I did the responsible thing. I stomped on the gas of my beat-up pickup in order to try and get a closer look. Now, these events usually end with one getting close enough to find out that what you thought you saw was not nearly as strange as your first fleeting glimpse imagined it to be. And then, there are those rare moments, like this day, when the closer you get.... be better it gets.



I pulled up behind a guy riding one of the early vintage Univega mountain bikes on his morning commute. But what was truly ingenious was his full-on, custom made, cycling cockpit. My man had taken some clear plastic sheeting and used some sort of treatment to make a complete body faring! The thing hung down about 3 inches over his handlebars, giving him complete protection up front, and then continued up over his head and all the way back until it stopped just above his seat. The fact that he even shaped it to where it fit his head and backpack made it all the more impressive.



I am not sure if I only thought it or actually said it.... but the words "Holy shit! I HAVE GOT to take a picture of this!" went through my mind. I grabbed for the camera equipped blackberry.



You know when you are riding along and some asshole just keeps following you on your bike and won't come around? Well...yeah.... I was that asshole. I was panicking like I just stepped into a clearing in the forest, saw Bigfoot, and was trying to get a picture before my yeti friend slips back into the woods. I kept fat-fingering the unlock code on my blackberry. After about 4 or 5 attempts, I finally got the sequence right. With one hand on the steering wheel, I aimed through my dirty windshield, tried to look through the camera lens and see if I was even pointing in the right direction and took a picture. I figured that by now, my man had to be getting either really pissed, or kinda scared that I wouldn't pass. So, I decided to finally go around him. But, the urge overcame me and I had to try to take just one more picture as I was going by. The result......I nearly side-swiped a parked car on the other side of the street. I jerked the wheel just in time not to crash and simultaneously took a picture of the roof of my truck.

For the next 5 minutes I went completely redneck paparazzi. I drove thru the narrow streets in my truck trying to guess where the rolling tarp would come by. The end result was primarily some scared locals. Before someone responsible called the cops on my possessed ass, I called off the hunt and headed to the coffee shop.

Below are the only two pics I got where said victim of my momentary obsession was in the camera frame.



The poor quality of the pic that a blackberry takes only added to the whole Weekly World News "I saw an alien" feel about this experience.





Believe it or not... this is what my man looked like coming at you!