Cap'n Slow's Rules of Etiquette: Pre- and Post-Race

All right, listen up.  I've noticed something disturbing, something that must be attended to.

I've noticed that many riders show up for their race and leave as soon as they are done.  Bad.  So very bad.  This is cyclocross, not 3rd period French.  You don't show up late and leave early.  You show up because 'cross is an event, an attitude, a melding of people with entertainment on their minds.  Its a party, not a board meeting.  Do you think jockeys ride one horse and then go home?  No way.  They ride a few times a day and when they're not riding do you know what they are doing (besides throwing up to lose a few ounces)?  They're watching other riders, participating in the event, enjoying the day at the races.  If their bulimia allows.

Cyclocross is the same.  Well, except we have to be both horse and rider and the bike is really more like a mechanical horse that goes a lot slower than a real horse.  But, a day at the races is a day at the races.  A time to come out and enjoy the atmosphere.  'Cross is an event to be immersed in.  And occasionally, you have the urge to throw-up.

With that said, I'm now gonna lay down some rules for pre- and post-race etiquette.  Once again, in the form of a quiz, pick the correct answer.  Some of the questions are difficult, like an unridable sand pit, while others are much easier, like a grassy downhill double-track section with beer at the end.  Am I the only person who has that dream?

Rules of Etiquette questions begin in 15 seconds................

Question #1:  When should you arrive at the event if you are racing that day?

1. Early enough so the race hasn't started while your still in the Port-A-John
2. At least 1 hour before your race starts so you can check-in, warm-up, and try to score some free beer for post-race.
3. The day before so you can get a good parking spot, set up your warm-up tent, autograph table, and merchandise booth.
4. Early enough to ride the course a couple of times before you have to start racing suffering.

Question #2:  When your race is over, what should you do next?

1. Go to the car and get the beer cooler.
2. Bring the beer cooler from the car.
3. Go to the car and get the beer cooler, dumbass!
4. Any of the above.  Just don't forget the beer.

Question #3:  What else should you do when your race is over?

1. Talk with your team about the course.
2. Chat with other teams about the course.
3. Talk with spectators about the course.
4. Offer beer to anyone who comes by while you are talking about the course.
5. All of the above

Question #4:  When should you leave for the day (if you raced)?

1. As soon as your blood-alcohol level registers as "Cyclocross Fan" on the drunk meter.
2. When there's no more beer.
3. As soon as your race is over.  (hint:  this answer is incorrect)
4. When the ACA event playlist repeats for the 100th time.

Extra credit:

Find a picture that you think best sums up cyclocross.  Post to the blog both the picture and summary of why the picture relates to 'cross.  I'll get you started:

What could be cooler than a chain and chainring bottle opener?

Random Comments on Interbike 2009

I survived another series of alcohol fueled days and nights in Las Vegas at Interbike this year. Dash and I flew out on Wednesday morning. I got us some cheap flights and Dash scored us a room on the strip. The room met our requirements of 1) cheap ($49/night), 2) semi-clean, and 3) within a 15 minute walk to the Sands Conf. Center. It had the added bonus of being at the home of Big Elvis!

After getting our credentials all lined out, we hit the show. When you walk through the doors, the first thing you see is a huge ass MAVIC booth. I immediately went into the booth, walked over to the R-SYS section and looked for a chalk outline of Ben Delaney's corpse on the floor. Trust me when I tell you folks, there is a whole lot more to that story that what Velonews put in print. It is going to be interesting to see what comes out when it is all said and done. Alas, no chalk outline and Mr. Ben wrote several Interbike based articles so I am guessing he did not set foot in the MAVIC area. Before I get off of this topic, if any of you are going to take Delaney's advise and dump your R-SYS wheels, let me know. There are a bunch of us that will take them off of your hands.

One of our primary tasks was to escort Red from Ride the Rockies for the weekend. What Red does not know about bikes, she makes up for in ability to consume alcohol. And trust me, my liver now knows that Red does not know shit about bikes. We made it to the show about mid-day and started gawking at the toys. At 3pm, the first of the kegs were being tapped and it quickly became a game of finding as much free beer as possible. When the free beer was all consumed, it was time to strap on a feed bag real quick and then head out to the CX races. We hit a burger joint in some huge-ass hotel. A quick scan of the menu and Dash notices that they had Hoegaarden on tap. Well, hell! We had better have a pitcher then. Beers hit the table and we are part way through explaning to Red how only the Belgians really know how to make beer when Dash asks...."Holy crap, is that guy wearing a Snuggie?" Now, a more sober eye might have been able to discern what this get-up really was. But to our drunk asses, This dude thew down $19.95 to score the perfect garb for dinner at Vegas. Please pardon the crappy pic..... it took it with my Blackberry.

Performing the Paul Rubens tent pitch in Vegas!

We finished off the pitcher of Hoegaarden and burgers and grabbed a taxi out to CX races. Dash leveraged some connections he has with one of the few guys who had drank more beer than us and scored wristbands for the VIP area. First thing I learn about the VIP area...... the beer is free! Yippeeee! By the time the pro men's race came along my vision looked like this....

Erwin V. was a blur to us....... literally.

The evening ended up watching Karaoke of all things. I saw one of the funniest renditions of Billy Idol's White Wedding that could possibly be produced. I finally collapsed and left Dash and Red to finish the night off correctly.

The next day we were back at the show. The day went buy pretty much in a blur. If you want to see a review of the products, feel free to roll over the Velonews and read all about what Zinn and company found interesting. Speaking of Lennard... I got a question for ya. He is something like 6 foot 20. So, when he goes to demo days at Interbike, how many bike manufactures really have a frame that fits him?

I will tell you that I observed first hand that this wheel has more lateral flex than any carbon wheel I have ever encountered.

But to me, Interbike is much more than creating buzz about a product or buying friends with free beer. It is the lengths they go to in order to create said buzz. Here are a couple examples..... #1, you take a high school kid who weighs a buck 40 dripping wet and have him don a Shocker get-up.

But.... where is the midget in the gorilla suit for a side-kick?

Or better yet, since half of the attendee at Interbike are 20 something shop mechanics, you can just market directly to what they usually think about.

Are those erasures, our are you just glad to see me?

And finally, the true dichotomy of Interbike. Cyclocross is on the move in the states. Why do I think that..... well, #1, nearly every major bike hawker at the show had a CX steed. Half of them made out of the same carbon factory over in Taiwan no doubt.... but a whole butt-load of bike manufacturers were showing off a CX bike or two. #2, for the past 3 years I have attended CrossVegas and there have been at least 5000 in attendance. Much more that the Crit races draw the next night. #3, this year, the pull was enough to get a 3 time world CX champion to come across the pond and run with the junior league. But is sure is a slow growing movement. Said 3 time world champion and his Belgian National champion team-mate were at the show on Thursday to sign any and everything put in front of them for an hour and hardly anyone dropped by to take advantage of that. I kid you not. Dash and I walked up, had Erwin and Ben sign several items and then proceeded to stand there and talk with them for 5 minutes about topics ranging from course preferences (Hint.... as a mudder, Mr. Vervecken is not a huge fan of the all-grass CrossVegas course), to travel in the US to getting Erwin to admit that if he could have, he would have chased down Chris Jones no matter what kit he had on. If you tried to spend that much time yakkin' it up with (Insert Pro Roadie Name Here), you would have been assaulted by the 50 groupies in line behind you before you got to your 2nd question.

Ben Berden a pro cyclist that sports some bad-ass tatts. David Clinger, eat your heart out.

One other really cool thing about both Erwin Vervecken and Ben Berden, they actually cared to be there. After years of going to Interbike, I have gotten used to riders having that "Jesus, I absolutely fricken hate being here" look on their face as they scrawl some indecipherable scribble and claim it to be their signature. A couple years ago I started trying to combat this by asking special requests in order to make them wake up a bit. For example, I once got Floyd Landis to sign a poster as "Floyd Landis, Mennonite Porn Star". That was totally unnecessary with Vervecken and Berden. They each took the time to ask for the spelling of your name in order to make sure it was correct and even better, they took the extra time to make sure each signature was carefully done. No scrawl that looked like someone had suffered a back spasm while their pen was sitting on a poster..... a carefully done signature. Very cool.

The rest of the night was spent drinking more beer with Red and hawking product for one of George Hincapie's new sponsors out at the crit races. They changed the course a bit and widen turn one. The cut down on about 95% of the crashed. Two booths down from us, the Go Fast guys were sampling product along a marketing partner of 42 Below premium vodka. Nice paring.

By the next day, Dash and I were well done with Vegas for another year. Each year we talk about not coming the following year. Then around the beginning of September, something happens that entices us to go..... this year is was Erwin Vervecken and Ben Berden...... totally worth the trip.

Cap'n Slow's Rules of Etiquette: Overtaking

Hey now!  I've got two races under my belt.  Also got about an extra 15 pounds under there but I'm saving that for the harsh winter to come.  The weather has been looking quite Belgian the past two and in Colorado that could only mean one thing:  It'll be hot as hell this weekend.

So what's the weather go to do with anything?  Good question.  See, this cold wet weather has put me in the mind of racing.  But...I'm not racing this weekend.  So what else can I do but draw parallels between 'cross racing and anything else.  Challenge myself to use my brain instead of my brawn (which is severely lacking).  Ok...I've got nothing.  The weather has nothing to do with anything.  Let's get to the topic at hand.

Overtaking in a cyclocross race is a thrilling feeling.  Maybe not for everyone but when you're in the back half of the race and have a chance to pass someone, its a good feeling.  Better to be the passer than the passee.  Now, I've been passed by just about everyone.  Even been lapped a few times by the leaders.  And I've had the occasional chance to pass someone.  So I know a thing or three about the right and wrong, the correct and incorrect, the elegant and the dickish ways to pass or be passed.  I'm going to help all of you by giving you a quiz.

Question #A:  When overtaking a slower rider, you should:

1. Shout "out of my way, jackass" and pass him on the left.
2. Ring your bell to alert the rider to your presence.
3. Sit on his wheel Cadel Evans style and not overtake him.
4. Pass as quickly as possible and try not to vomit from the effort.

Question #B:  When being overtaken you should:

1. Get in the way of the faster rider and slow down.
2. Wait until the faster rider is beside you and blow a snot rocket at him.
3. Allow the rider to pass but only after he has answered three questions.
4. Give the faster rider some room to pass while sticking to a good line for yourself.

Question #C:  It is OK to throw punches at the start of the race in order to gain a few positions.

1. True
2. False

Question #D:  If you have overtake a rider and he immediately overtakes you, the correct course of action is:

1. Shout at him "Hey!  No Pass-backs!"
2. Tell him how fast he is, stay on his wheel until the end of the race, and pass him at the finish line.
3. Find someone else to play with.
4. Remind yourself you are riding the 35+ Cat 4 category and stop being so damned competitive.

Question #Last:  When overtaking during a run-up you should do the following:

1. Grab the jersey pocket of a rider in front of you and let him tow you to the top.
2. Push the bicycle of the rider in front of you until he falls over.
3. Shoulder your bike but allow it to swing into other riders on the run-up
4. All of the above. 

Extra credit:  What should the owner of this bike do next?

1. Go potty before the race starts.
2. Spend 3 hours washing his bike so it's "Riprock" clean.
3. Put some lube on that chain.
4. Get rid of that mud collecting front derailleur and go single ring up front.

Green Mtn Recap

In college, I pretty much perfected the fine art of doing some sort of action that all my so-called friends would wait till the next morning to point out how stupid it was. However, back then, there were usually large amounts of alcohol involved. Now days, I have no excuse. Now, I to do stupid shit sober.

The latest in this series is that I screwed up my knee somehow running a 5K at my work during "Health and Wellness" week last Wednesday morning. By mid-morning, I could not go up or down stairs without my left knee wanting to collapse.

Dash and Rich have been very kind to repeatedly ask that since no-one was chasing me with a large caliber weapon, why the hell was I running?

I got nothing for a retort. Only general embarrassment.

It is slowly getting better. Now it only hurts to go faster than a walk. If it continues to improve..... the BV race will by my first (since I don't do Boulder races except for States).

This weekend, the knee relegated me to taking pictures, cheering, and providing some hand-ups. Here is a short re-cap of Saturday's events in the Beer Drinking Dad league of 35+ Cat 4's.

We have a couple new guys sporting the FMVC colors this year. One of them as turned out to be my kindred spirit, my twin brother from another mother, my mini-me, my......well...... let's just let the pictures show why.

So... Here is Kevin coming into one of the final turns on the course on the last lap. Notice how he as done a masterful job of making sure the course is clear behind him? Yes indeed, Kevin has set himself up to be the last rider to cross the line in the 35+ 4's. That, ladies and gents is hard to do. To be able to do it on only his 2nd race shows the true talent that Kev possesses.

Oh my!!!! Is that a front wheel starting to wash out?

He said a different phrase, but I am pretty sure what Kevin really meant to say was...."Hey Brian, check out nicely those cranks and bottom bracket you loaned me fit in my new frame!

At this point, all Kevin can hear is me yelling "Oh Yeah!!!! I am getting all this on camera Beyaatch!" as I refuse to take my finger off the button.

But alas, he gets a bit more dismount/remount practice before the race is done.

I yelled to Dash "Give my your war face!!!" on one of the late laps. This is what he came up with.

Scotty was back again this year. Later Saturday night he was over at the house and after a few beers related what all the scars on his right leg were about. How this guy is alive, much less racing a bike is a mystery to most. When you can start off telling about your scars with "Remember that scene in Road Warrior? Well, this was just like that." you know it is a good one.

Rico is back! We got him to come out to a few races last year. This year he is back for a full season. And that folks, is a damn good thing.

Hopefully I can get the knee back enough that I can race next weekend. I am heading off to Vegas for 2 days of Interbike. Ewrin V. is town, that is must see!

Off To The Races

I passed up on the first weekend of CX in Colorado to head out to the land of BBQ and farmland to take in the final stage of the Tour of Mo.

Here is a quick photo recap of the highlights

You know you are in the mid-west when things start to center around farm animals.

The Tour of MO had good crowds all week according to the reports I read. The Start line at Kansas City was no exception.

Mark Niemiec and his MAVIC crew had new cars for the race. With the demise of Saab earlier this year, they were granted the opportunity to find new ones for the neutral support fleet.

This was the last 200 meters. Again notice the way the subtleties of the mid-West are integrated into the course. Here we have the same design used in a cattle chute applied to the finish line sprint. The run-in to the finish line was a long straight-away. Most of it was downhill with a small "bump" about 300m to go as the course went over bridge. Then, as you can see above it was downhill off the bridge and the last 200 were flat.

The final stage of the ToMO was a 10 mile circuit race. The provided an excellent opportunity for people who knew people to snag a ride in one of the VIP caddies. Each lap it was like a mini NASCAR pit as all the caddies come in a high speed and braked hard to stop. They were putting 3 heads in each back seat so you hand 9 sets of assholes and elbows coming out, 9 more going in and people ToMO staff telling them to hurry the whole time.

MAVIC was taking of a few extras as well.

Mark Niemiec was kind enough to offer me a spot in one of the cars when he and I worked an event earlier this summer. I gladly took him up on it. Here is a camera-phone pic out the front just so say I was there. I got to spend just a bit over 20 minutes caching up with Mark and TJ (Mark was MAVIC 2 that day and TJ was his jumper). My first questions were about how new VW Jettas handle differently that the Saabs. Mark had plenty of opportunity to show me. The course was very technical with a myriad to turns, four climbs and a 60mph decent in each lap. It was a bitch of a course for the final stage. Before the race, Mark predicted it would be fast. He was dead on. 70+ miles in a bit over 2.5 hrs. If a rider flatted, they were pretty much done. I only heard of one rider chasing back on at it took him almost a whole lap of riding in the cars to do it.

This is a climb about half way though the circuit. Earlier in the week, my buddy that I was staying with in K.C. and I looked at the course map and he noted this climb. Not for anything related to the difficulty it presented to the racers. No, he noticed the hood. The race map in the local paper noted it as a good viewing area. My buddy noted it as a place whitey don't want to be after 5pm. Indeed, he was right. You cannot see it in this pic, but trust me, behind the people, it is full on barrio.

We had moved up in the string of cars as we came to the bottom of the main climb in case the race broke up there. Then, on the decent, we slid back some in the line of team cars. They did that same dance each lap.

The race grid.

Moto #1 did a 10 second swap for an OUCH rider. Then they swap the dead wheel out with a freshie MAVIC wheel and let the car haul the dead one to the end of the race. All at 30 MPH rolling thought the K.C. Streets. You will notice in this picture that MAVIC uses a wide array of wheels. Ksyiums, Carbones, and R-SYS. I did not ask Mark why..... should have.

This is the race come through 300m before the start/finish line on a mid-race lap. On the final Thor and his lead-out man had a three bike length gap at this point. I am guessing he was not happy about losing this one.

Let's all support the places that support us when racing

The following release was sent to me and wanted to pass this along. We are fortunate enough that we have great courses for racing on week in and week out. Please support the places that allow us to have fun with our hobby....everyone can eat a burger/hot dog and get a t-shirt.

This is Mike Caires representing the State of Colorado and partner with Lee Waldman who co-developed the Golden, Colorado race series site. We at Lookout Mountain Youth Services Center are proud to host the upcoming event scheduled for Saturday September 19th. We will be utilizing the students and staff from the facility adjacent to the race track by positioning a full service concession and T-shirt tent centrally located in the middle of the grassy field where the race runs.

Food and refreshments will be sold along with newly designed race series t-shirts to assist in supporting student job readiness and transition and to support the faculty employee advisory committee, raising funds for campus-based events.Please note that we need your help to get the word out as we embark on this great partnership through fundraising. We are excited to support the race series and will have grilled hotdogs and hamburgers and a variety of ice cold drinks and snacks to keep the riders riding.

We hope that the many people expected for the races (participants and race fans) in attendance are all aware that there will be a full concession with seating area and t-shirt sales at very reasonable prices, available to all. Our partnership should promote a more exciting event and a stronger CycloCross series.

Thank you,
Mike Caires
Activities and Recreation Specialist
Lookout Mountain Youth Services Center

They have enterd the chutes...and thier OFF!!!!!

Your heartrate increases. The quesy feeling hits your stomach. People start to crack a couple of jokes to lower the tension. And then your hear "15 seconds gentleman", and HR monitors go off and shoes hit pedals and everyone starts to breathe really hard......and the start of another cyclocross season is upon us. Isn't cyclocross season the only season?

Saturday was the opening salvo in a long cross season here in Colorado. With 26 races in 13 weeks, 18 BCR/BCT (best cyclocross racer/team) points races and more dust than a depression era Oklahoma, we turned pedals in anger.

Brian had abondened us for the Tour of Missouri for the weekend, so it was up to us to fly the Frites colors. This year we decieded to go "retro" with our kits. We hooked up with Oregon Cycleware and did wool jerseys. Black with cream and red stripes with Frites en Mayo Velo Club embroidered on them, the 3 rear pockets with buttons. There is no better way to represent the sport than taking it back to it roots. We were complimented on them numerous times throught the day.

Kevin, Dash and I drove down to COS for the opening race of the season, Pikes Peak Supercup #1. Once signed in and number's pinned, we took some reco laps and found the course had a better start than around the loop with the huge climb in it. It started on the road then dumped onto the course. Found another Fries guy, Scotty Bates and we all rode over to the start/pit area. Dropped off wheels and got ready for the pain.

There is this "family feeling" of lining up with guys that you have raced with for a couple of years. Cross really has become a discipline to itself here in CO. There are plenty of guys that only focus on cross at this point. It was great to see Jim and guys from SRAM, the fast guys from Boulder Cyclesport and others that you knew you would be banging handlebars with during the next 45 minutes. Which brings us to the race itself

Once the race started and we all settled in to what should have been a 45 minute tour of pain turned into 56 minutes of hell. Somebody forgot to set the timer and then just set it to 45 minutes after we had been out for about 15 minutes or 3 laps. I believe I had done 5 laps before the 4 to go counter showed up. After a near crash on lap 6 and then a flat tire on lap 7, I had put it into training ride mode and just tried to work on speed and searching for better lines. I went a lap down after the flat which happened in the same place as last year's flat. At least I know my lines are consistent from year to year. When the race finally did end, Dash was 34, Kevin was 42, I was 43 and Scotty was 43. Nothing stellar but the season is long.

Will raced in the regular Senior Men's 4 and finished 9th....great ride Will but know you need to get your license and put the team down so you are scoring points to upgrade at this point.

This weekend will be the first double. Saturday's race is in Golden being put on by Lee and the guys from Green Mountain Sports. Sunday's race is at 9990 feet in Breckenridge.

Monday's throw down

Courtesy of Big Tom Hall, we are going to be over at Bear Creek Park for Monday's training race. This is over by Mullen High School off of Hampton and Knox Court. Race time is set for 10am with course setup at 930am. I have never been here but Tom told me there are hills and grass and some singletrack. Dont know about goatheads or such, so an extra set of wheels could be the ticket.

9 days till R-day

It is always good to get back from a vacation. Sleeping in your own bed, not living out of a suitcase, dealing with relatives. I need a vacation from my vacation.

It was great to be back out in Seattle and the Oregon coast. Drank some great beers from Redhook, Rogue and Widmer. Ate loads of seafood and spent time at the beach.

But now it is time to shift focus back to season at hand. Getting back on the bike after a vacation is tough. You have lot's of motivation but the legs are cramped, the back hurts and the lungs and not used to the deep effort it takes to keep you going for 60 minutes.

Went out and did some laps at GP Betz on Tuesday. Legs dont seem so bad. Ran at GP Betz. Lungs not very happy with me at this point. Get through the workout with no issues.

Wednesday cross practice was a whole different story.

Met up with Dash and Brian and rolled a couple of laps to loosen up the legs. Getting ready to start the hot laps and run across a boat load of goatheads. Done for the night. Must have pulled about 20 out of each tire. Tubes did not have Stan's in them so the night was done before it started. Damn it...I cant afford another "off day" at this point. The season is only 9 days away.

So this brings us to the practice race this weekend. We are looking at doing a race on Monday morning around 10am. Location is still being worked out at this point. If you have a suggestion of your local hidden cross track, let us know. Will post an update on location in the next day or so.

Now go and enjoy your 3 day holiday and get ready to race on Monday...because the season will only be 6 days away and we cant afford another off day.