Cap'n Slow's Rules of Etiquette: Overtaking

Hey now!  I've got two races under my belt.  Also got about an extra 15 pounds under there but I'm saving that for the harsh winter to come.  The weather has been looking quite Belgian the past two and in Colorado that could only mean one thing:  It'll be hot as hell this weekend.

So what's the weather go to do with anything?  Good question.  See, this cold wet weather has put me in the mind of racing.  But...I'm not racing this weekend.  So what else can I do but draw parallels between 'cross racing and anything else.  Challenge myself to use my brain instead of my brawn (which is severely lacking).  Ok...I've got nothing.  The weather has nothing to do with anything.  Let's get to the topic at hand.

Overtaking in a cyclocross race is a thrilling feeling.  Maybe not for everyone but when you're in the back half of the race and have a chance to pass someone, its a good feeling.  Better to be the passer than the passee.  Now, I've been passed by just about everyone.  Even been lapped a few times by the leaders.  And I've had the occasional chance to pass someone.  So I know a thing or three about the right and wrong, the correct and incorrect, the elegant and the dickish ways to pass or be passed.  I'm going to help all of you by giving you a quiz.

Question #A:  When overtaking a slower rider, you should:

1. Shout "out of my way, jackass" and pass him on the left.
2. Ring your bell to alert the rider to your presence.
3. Sit on his wheel Cadel Evans style and not overtake him.
4. Pass as quickly as possible and try not to vomit from the effort.

Question #B:  When being overtaken you should:

1. Get in the way of the faster rider and slow down.
2. Wait until the faster rider is beside you and blow a snot rocket at him.
3. Allow the rider to pass but only after he has answered three questions.
4. Give the faster rider some room to pass while sticking to a good line for yourself.

Question #C:  It is OK to throw punches at the start of the race in order to gain a few positions.

1. True
2. False

Question #D:  If you have overtake a rider and he immediately overtakes you, the correct course of action is:

1. Shout at him "Hey!  No Pass-backs!"
2. Tell him how fast he is, stay on his wheel until the end of the race, and pass him at the finish line.
3. Find someone else to play with.
4. Remind yourself you are riding the 35+ Cat 4 category and stop being so damned competitive.

Question #Last:  When overtaking during a run-up you should do the following:

1. Grab the jersey pocket of a rider in front of you and let him tow you to the top.
2. Push the bicycle of the rider in front of you until he falls over.
3. Shoulder your bike but allow it to swing into other riders on the run-up
4. All of the above. 

Extra credit:  What should the owner of this bike do next?

1. Go potty before the race starts.
2. Spend 3 hours washing his bike so it's "Riprock" clean.
3. Put some lube on that chain.
4. Get rid of that mud collecting front derailleur and go single ring up front.