Friday, October 30, 2009

Bandits! 12 O'Clock

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!

Be there! Be there! Be there!



This weekend, both races are UCI races up in Boulder. Rather than join that madness, most of the FMVC crew are going to support Matt's Bandido CX.

So, if the idea of paying $50 bucks to go thow elbows with 100 others does not appeal to you. Come to a day of CX, food and Beer in Parker.

All the details are HERE!!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

...And Pffft You Were Gone.

Title courtesy of Hee Haw.


This weekend was the Castle Cross CX race down in Castle Rock. This is a new course for Colorado. I had heard rumors that this was going to be a very tough course with over 500 feet of vertical per lap. Add to that the fact that Castle Rock had received a fair amount of moisture out of the mid-week storm, the course could be down right epic. When the season CX schedule came out this year, I circled two races I wanted to for sure do, Buena Vista and Castle Rock. BV had the added benefit that I had family there. But the main factor for both was to provide support to two first year races that I figured might not get the support they would need to be back next year. BV's issue was distance from Boulder. Castle Rock's was competing events. Castle Cross is the first CX race to go up against the cycling extravaganza that is VeloSwap in many years. I had repeatedly told my annual VeloSwap employer that I would not be there in the morning so that I could race.

So, a racing I went!

I showed up, paid my $, chatted up the JocDoc for a bit, and then changed into the kit to go see what the course offered.

Oh, Good Lord!!!!

300 meters into the course and I was sure wishing those Hutchison Bulldogs I ordered with their mud tread had showed up this week. However, the new tubeless wheels that Jon at Grinder Bikes built up for me had a brand new pair of Hutchison Piranhas on them and that was that. As I went around the course, I continued to let air out to get better traction until I got them as soft as I dared. I took it down to where I would bottom out in one of the mud filled crossings but all seemed good. I ended with 30 psi in the front and 32 in the rear. For this Clydesdale, these numbers are at least 8 psi lower than I had ever run in my life. Yikes, I was sure hoping my new Stan's ZTRs are all they are supposed to be!

15 ft into the first run-up and..... note to self.... go put in toe-spikes before race start.

One thing was blatantly obvious about this course....... it was designed by a little skinny guy who really has a hate on for Clydesdales and their limited power-to-weight ratios. I did not know you could build a loop course that did nothing but climb.... but somehow they did it. On a hot dry day, this course would crush me. But on the day of Castle CX, it was covered in mud, water, snow and ice for some down right epic race conditions. I was going to hurt.... but with the mud.... it was going to be damn fun racing.

So, these days, call ups go 60 deep and I am somewhere in the high 50's with my 5 points that I poached in BV. Get this, that gets me a 2nd row callup! There sure seems to be a lot of guys saving themselves for States already. After my name is called, I pick a spot right behind Aaron Z. [Looking back on it now.... there are only two reasons I can think of why I picked that spot: 1) Aaron was by far the biggest guy on the front line and I just wanted to be close to someone my size; or 2) it was the closest and most convenient spot to line up on.] and I am about to find out what a good choice I made. I take a quick look back and I am really glad to see a solid turnout of close to 50 or so in the Beer-Drinkin-Dad League. Hopefully the other cats have as good a turnout and that will be enough that the promoter will want to bring back Castle Cross next year.

The whistle blows and we are off. Holy snikies are we off. Aaron and I are on the far right side of the start grid and the course does nothing but left turns on the run-out to the 1st single-track so we got the long way. No matter, that dude is on a mission! I peg it as hard as I can to hold his wheel and I see most of the guys on the left hand side drop behind us. We head into the singletrack and I am sitting 7th wheel. Now folks, since I have never raced in a class that only had 7 entrants, I have never been as high up as 7th wheel. Hell, I have never been in the top 10 at the start of a race! Granted, with the effort I just put in, I am sitting at about 95% of my max heart rate, but there I am none the less. I tell myself, "Enjoy it while it lasts, when we hit the climbs you are going to look like you got caught out of the draft at Taladega." Indeed, we hit an extended climb section a couple guys come by me on the first lap. But ......that's it. WTF? I never got a chance to look back at the race, but if it was anything like the 35 opens that went just before us, the mud/ice/snow/water covered single track detonated the field. On lap two, I figure that my time is done and the goat boys are ready to go. But not really... I lose a couple spots but then pick one back up.

We head into the 3rd lap and I am still upright and in the top 10. What is even more disturbing is that I have gotten the heart rate back under control and am racing within the limits. Thinking that I might actually finish in the points, I channel some Barry Muzzin ..... "Enough of this Sunday stroll ladies, let's make it hurt."

About half way through the third lap, I come out of a corner hard trying to up the pace. The tubeless setup running the low pressure is really working nicely in this mud. I blow the line coming out of the turn a bit wide and end up off the single track and into the tall grass about 6" off course. No worries..... just keep the power on. Yeah...... power on alright.... right until the front wheel pounds into a rock hiding in the grass. Instantly, I hear pfft.....pffft....pffft... and I know that I have cut the sidewall. The front tire is spitting Stan's latex so bad it looks just like this.

Just like that, my race is done. I got no wheels in the pit even if I did the half mile run to get there.

I lose it. I am beside myself for pulling such a stupid maneuver and I act the way any grown man would. I first pull a Riis.... or was it a Millar..... nope.... looking at the two, it was definitely a Riis. Then I proceed to scream obsenities and kick in the mud like Lou Piniella on a bad day. Shotty, Chris J, and a couple others blow by. Each gives me a "Dude!" as they roll through. Not sure if it was a "Dude... that is really a bummer mechanical" or a "Dude! Awesome tantrum!". After 30 seconds, it is all over. Calm now, I pick up the bike and do the walk of disgust across the field. One of my old college room-mates and his wife had come out to see me race for the first time. As I walk up to him I innocently ask "Hey, did you catch all that?" He does not have to answer. There are 5 young ladies, each around 8 years old sitting on the sidewalk in front of him. They all say in unison...."Yes, we saw AND heard it!" Nice.... A proud moment indeed. Fairly humiliated, I go hose off the mud, change and head off to VeloSwap to where I know that I will get a nice ration from the rest of the FMVC team.



I am on the germ tube to spend the week in smell-A so no training this week. Looks like I am going to miss some nice winter training.

Thanks for reading,

Tantrum boy.


The day of reckoning




Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Who is up for going to Bend?

This just came across the way west of Belgium bureau desk for anyone in the CO heading out to Bend for nationals. Todd Gold is providing a service that is much needed and is worth every penny that he has requested. Please click here and know that you are going to get the kick ass service of anyone that is racing that weekend.

Just think about it...bike ready when you are, warmth in a cold place, food and drink ready after a race, no arguing with the airline wench about what is the big box you just brought up and them trying to jab you for an extra C note plus baggage fees for wheels, all your riding gear and CO2 cartridges that you packed along side it.

Spend the money...do the right thing.




Tuesday, October 20, 2009

RRV CX Report

Hat's off the crews from RRV, Crossniacs HTFU Syndicate, and Swing Thai, who put this race together. The creativity of taking what the park provided and making it into a CX course was top notch. The key feature of the course was the Linked Triad of Death that started with this little beauty



which was followed after about 10 meters by this gem


which then, after a 180 degree turn lead into a steep two-tiered uphill climb. Needless to say, not Clydesdale friendly. The best thing about this course was that it awarded those who truly had CX skills. Being able to handle off-camber turns, and have smooth transitions off and on the bike was a plus. I am not saying I have any of those...... just saying that they were a big benefit on this course. Dave over at Crossin-Colorado has some good video of the Linked Triad of Death here.

The race starts out well. I leverage the 5 BCR points I poached by being willing to drive up to BV to race into a call-up, albeit a 4th row call-up which meant that I was somewhere around 30 back. With 65 guys total, I am in my usual mid-pack bliss. The whistle blows and we are off up the long gravel uphill. Halfway up the hill, Shotty, who started on the row in front of me, is looking to get over to the right side where he can hit the gas and make up some spots. Knowing full well that my power-to-weight ratio is not going to help on this climb I demonstrate my pure pack riding genius and tell him "Come on over, you got room!" while I am still overlapping his rear with my front by a good three inches. Instantly, I am totally fixated at watching his wheel slowly move over closer to mine and my mind fills with the thought of how much it is going to hurt when I go down on this gravel with 10 guys right on my ass. Knowing I can't hit the brakes, I mouth the words "Ohhhhhh Shhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiit" and stop peddling. Luckily, a 210 lbs clydesdale slows down pretty fast when he stops peddling in soft gravel and I stay upright by missing his wheel by a good half inch. The course turns off of the gravel to the right onto a freshly mowed cow pasture. As we sweep around to the left, I get a push on the hip from the gent to my left letting me know he is there that knocks me off line and I watch my front wheel pass right across Shotty's rear again as we get to the top of the climb! Still in the fricken cow pasture, the course then does a long sweeping right hand turn and we head down the hill. Off to my right somewhere, I hear carnage.
Welcome to the 35+ Cat 4's where a guy will chop our wheel for that coveted 53rd place right in front of his two little girls that are yelling "Goooooo Daddy!". But I digress..... back to the story.
I know that if I can just stay upright for the first two laps, this course is hard enough that the race will string out and some semblance of safety will creep back into the mayhem that we are all now enforcing on each other. The downhill is broken apart by 4 successive off-camber turns, each has a smaller turning radius that the previous one. We are still running two and three wide when we hit these...... more carnage ensues. Tires rub, bikes and riders hit the deck, cussing, name-calling and instant critiques of riding ability are exchange. Off in the distance......"Gooooooo Daddy!"
Once off the hill the course goes over a set of double barriers followed closely behind by the first of two sand pits. Next is the climb back up the hill to the Linked Triad of Death. About 1/3 of the way up the climb you pass the park facilities which are staring to boil in the 80 degree heat of the day and give off their full olfactory array. Each time you go by, your body's desire to suck in as much oxygen as the atmosphere will allow results in a sensation and taste like you are using a cow's ass for an inhaler.

Once past the Linked Triad of Death at the top of the hill, the course turns onto a smooth single track that is slightly down hill. The secret here is to get your mind to overcome your body's desperate desire to recover and put on the power. Do that and you pick up a couple spots almost every lap. At the end of the single track is a set of off-camber sweeping turns that are getting softer as each racer chews up the course a bit more. The course finishes up by going back through a second, longer sand pit and some tight turns through a maze of trees before dropping you back on to the bottom of the gravel climb.

After I survived the first two laps, things started to string out. However, the highlights of the day were just about to get started.

French Tyre Torture -
On lap three, I am just about to bridge up to a rider as we head through the first suite of off-camber turns. On turn 2 of 4, he washes out the front end, goes down, and is immediately back up. He tries to hop over to the left side of the course (his back to me) before re-mounting so he does not back up traffic. This is indeed a noble gesture on his part. The problem is that I have already committed to passing by him on the left and promptly ram my Hutchison Piranha laden front wheel right between his legs. Full on French Tyre Torture! He is a tall fellow so I bury it all the way to the handle bars. Oh, that's just great.... now I got ass sweat all over my handlebars.....ewwwwww! I extricate and continue on.


Shotty's sand-capades - (Get Shotty's view of the events here)
On the latter half of lap 3, it catch up to Shotty. When you race each week against the same guys, you get a feel for where they are in ability compared to you. Shotty consistently finishes 10 spots or so ahead of me. So, I know that either something has gone wrong or he is on a very bad day. I figure he must of went down or had a mechanical and is about to start working his way back up through the field to is rightful place in the pack. One of the voices in my head shouts "OK Fatboy, just stay on his wheel and he will take you right up to the top 15. Stay on his wheel. Just stay on his wheel!" Shotty is full on the gas, but since we are heading down hill, I hang with him. As we are heading into the 2nd sand-pit I unclip the right leg, grab the down-tube and try to carry as much speed as possible before I run the pit. Not Shotty, he rides right into the sand pit going full power. After the race (and after half a beer) he told me "I figured I would hit that sand pit as hard as I could and see how far I could ride it". My response was "Well Chris, based on my front row seat of the event, I would say you can ride it about 8 feet". That sand pit ate his entire front wheel and he was over the bars so fast that I was looking down at him facing back up at me with only his bottom bracket to hinder our gaze. I was glad to see he was unharmed after the race.


Prang it up -
On Laps 4 and 5 me and another guy battle back and forth for position. He is a true roadie. He has a vastly superior power to lard ratio and leaves me in his dust on the smooth climbs. However as soon as it gets technical, I catch back up. As we hit the stairs on lap 4, he and another racer approach at a very safe pace. Each chooses a side of the stairs. I see my chance to make up two quick spots and split the gap between them like a sorority sister angling for the hot fudge pot at the Sunday ice cream social. I had watched them choose to run most of the Linked Triad of Death on the previous lap so I am sure that with a clean remount and some effort, I can make this move stick. So what do I do? I rush the remount, slam my leg into the back of the saddle, full-on bike prang it and grind some inner thigh flesh off on the rear tire. Said Boulder roadie comes around me and we spend the next lap with him leaving me gasping for air on the uphill sections of the course and me passing back on the technical sections. Next time through the stairs I pass him again. On the remount, I get on the saddle but totally miss the pedal with the right foot. Just before I go careening off the drop in, I get both feet back on the pedals. After watching this 2nd debacle, he finally weights in with a vote and shouts out "Dude, I feel sorry.......... for your wife!" All I can think is ..... good point, I shall apologize to her after the race. We do the same back and forth crap for another lap and for the third time come into the stairs with me right behind him. I pass, finally get the remount right and just like I had envisioned 3 laps earlier, I never see or hear from him again. He was probably right there the whole time..... I was too scared to look back.


I ended the day 22nd. Out of 65, that is all I can ask for. A final thanks to Adam from Alpha Cycles who gave the FMVC crew some desperately needed hand-ups.

Team FMVC collapsed in the shade and hit the chosen recovery drink of the day (courtesy of Rich) of Tripel Karmeliet and Delirium Tremens.

And now..... time out for some quick digital celluloid.


Dash Riprock expertly conceals his joy for this course!



Cap'n Slow

Figures out......

The problem with mo......



Or lack thereof it on the final part of the Linked Triad of Death.



Rich reaches for the special FMVC recovery sauce
while the team security detail watches for doping control.


After proper recover (aided by some of Kevin's homebrew after we finished off Rich's beer supply) it was time to watch Tom and one of the FMVC's new skinny fast guys race. The TH is on loan to FMVC from the IC3 boys for the CX season and Matt found the FMVC crew via Shotty. Matt is a we bit fast on the bike for the true FMVC crowd, but he is a damn good guy so we threw a wool jersey his way. Matt was on a terror this day. He worked his way to the front on the first couple laps and then put the hammer down to finish 2nd for the 2nd week in a row. Tom bagged another bevy of points in the Single Speed Cat. He now leads all FMVC'ers in points.

The TH gives a clydedale's review of the Linked Triad of Death.

For some reason, I got it stuck in my head that Matt




looks just like Tim Johnson. No... not Tim Johnson the Senator



And no.... Not Tim Johnson from Penn State of old.



Nor Tim Johnson from the Blue Jays.


He does not have a band.



He does not sing with Sierra Cowboy Riders (that we know of)


Sure as hell not this guy!

OK, that guy's name isn't even Tim Johnson, it is just a frightening photo that pops up when you do a google image search on Tim Johnson.

He does not really remind me much of Tim Johnson the great white hunter either......


Ah yes, Here is the Tim Johnson I was thinking about...



Matt is a clone......Don't ya think?

Monday, October 19, 2009

Why did Rich quit racing?

Many of you now know that one of our fearless teammates has called it quits for the season.  There are rumors flying about why, yet Rich has refused to address the media.  So, since speculation often leads to the truth or at least some pretty entertaining lies, I have pieced together some of the main reasons Rich has left the cyclocross scene.  Please cast your vote for the reason you feel Rich has called it a season.




Wanted: 35+IV rider for Frites en Mayo Velo Club

The Frites en Mayo Velo Club is looking for a cyclocross rider.  If you have access to a 'cross bike you may already qualify!

The Frites en Mayo Velo Club takes its 'cross very seriously casually.  We get to the race early to watch the juniors.  We warm up casually by riding the course a few times right before our event.  We ride as hard as we can during our races and afterward we relax and watch the rest of the events.  See, Frites believes that 'cross is more about the community than the actual racing.  Its about friendships and relationships with teammates, sponsors, and fans.  The only bad result is not bringing some beer for everyone.

Here's a summary of the qualifications we are looking for:
1) Must be a big fan of cyclocross.  No weenies who are driven by results and little else.
2) Must have the desire and ability to organize and be a leader of the team.
3) Must have above average blogging skills.
4) Must have the desire to drink beer at the Cheeky Monk.
5) Must have a good sense of humor and be able to take a joke with a laugh.
6) Must be willing to rely on friends (both old and new) when the stress level goes up.
7) Must have access to lots of parts laying around in the garage or in the parent's basement.
8) Must have connections to cycling industry representatives (for discount parts).

Anyone who can meet the qualifications listed above and believes in friends and community should apply for the position by posting a response to this blog entry.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Fantasy 'cross

For the record, I don't normally play "fantasy" type games unless they involve dungeons, dragons, or scantily clad women.  But, in an effort to learn more about 'cross and perhaps get some bragging rights, I signed up for the Cyclocross Magazine Fantasy Cyclocross.  And I don't even remember doing so.

It was back when the weather was warm and the birds were chirping instead of shivering and I hadn't been stricken with the swine flu that I decided to pick some riders I'd never heard of and half-heartedly monitor their results.  That was the easy part.  You need to pick Katie Compton and then some other people and you'll do fine.  The hard part was coming up with a name for my team.  Finally, after what must have been a minute of consideration, I decided on "Cap'n Slow's Sufferfest Revue" and I must say the results have been better than expected.

I'm not sure of the fantasy team names my teammates.  I've seen "Frites" and "Frites en Mayo", and "Frites for my Mayo, Dammit".  But I had to search long and hard (HEY NOW!) to find them because, for the first time in any competition, I am leading my Frites teammates!  Yes, my fantasy team is sitting at #100 in the standings whereas the other are far behind.

That's gotta hurt more than this:




Sunday, October 11, 2009

Carbon CX Report

The Weather: Snow with temps somewhere between witches tit and well digger's Ass. Just as I was registering, my brother from Tucson called just to let me know that it was twice as warm in Fairbanks, Alaska as it was in Colorado. I can't thank you enough for that bro! Someone said it was 17 deg F, when we started and warmed to a balmy 19 deg F by the end. Jon Baker summed it up best when he said that 45 or even 60 min was not too bad. However, when you broke the 1.5 hr time of racing, it really started to suck...... and most everyone was out there between 1.5 and 3 hours.


The Course: 11 mile loop around Bear Creek State Park. This race was the brain child of Tom Hall after he raced the Battle of the Bear on a very similar course. The main club behind it was IC3 with my own Frites en Mayo Velo Club helping out so that we met our ACA requirements of promoting a race. Indeed it was an attempt to do something more akin to the 3 Peaks. Every other course we do all season is the same 45 minutes of 1 to 2 mile laps. This is the one opportunity to do something different. The course had three major climbs, the first all single-track, the 2nd was a combination of single-track and paved road, and a final one that had barrier placement to force a run-up. Other shit thrown in on each lap to make things interesting included but was not limited to: 2 sand pits, a water crossing and the gravel pit of death (right at the very top of the paved climb). The surface was at least 80% single-track and pretty mtn bike friendly. On race day, it was a combination of mud and ice which made it even more mtn bike friendly. It dried out later in the day so that the guys on CX bike were not so much at a disadvantage. I think Mtn Bikes won every cat except the single speeds.

The Cats: The usual age discrimination was forsaken for a simple breakdown on ability of A's, B's and C's for men and women. IC3 always has a slot for juniors and newbies (never raced before). They also threw in two levels of Single Speed and in response to my begging.... a Clydesdale class. Juniors and Newbies got the honor of breaking in the course with a single lap. The the C men, B&C Women, B level single-speed, and the Clydes got 2 laps, the fast people got 3 laps.

Race Turnout: The fact that it was cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey made sure that only the bravest (or perhaps stupidest) came out to play. The prize for winning either of the single speed races was a new frame so the SS cats were bigger than normal. There were 7 Clydesdales who showed up to see what kind of food we were racing for. The rest of the cats were pretty small when compared to a normal turnout. I think most of the city and county of Boulder stayed home in an effort to go full gas on the groomed grass of Interlocken the next day.

******* Major Props to the BlueSky Velo team that was there in full force. Yeah, I know, it a big team, but alot of those guys (and gals as they made up 100% of the women's B/C's field) had to drive a ways to get to the race. BSV is in full force supporting every race out there. That is why their Xilinx race is excluded from FMVC rule #3 *******


FMVC Turnout: We actually had a larger Frites en Mayo contingent than normal. Rich had gone rogue and chosen to forsake FMVC Rule #3 (penalty to be assessed later as soon as we figure out what it is) and was saving himself for Interlocken. Of usual group we had the phat kids of yours truly and Dash. Cap'n Slow was out and about, as was half of our Skinny Fast Guys (SFG) tandem Matt "For the last time, I am not a clone of Tim Johnson" Klick. (The reader by now may have figured out that riders with large power to weight ratios who kick my butt every weekend are formally know as Little Skinny Bastards (LSB) whereas my FMVC team-mates who possess the same attributes are know as Skinny Fast Guys. They are two totally differ groups) Also joining in on the fun was Benji "Shiek Yabouti" McPhail and Luke "Did you know my brother Derek is a gay icon?" Jeter. Originally, we thought we had gotten permission from the head promoter to race under our newly found Roller Derby skate names, but it turns out that names like Huge G. Recksun and Heywood Jablowme are not recognized by the either the ACA or IC3.

All of us except for Matt were set for two laps. Dash, Cap'n Slow and Benji were racing in the C's and got a 1 min head start on Luke (B's SS") and I (Clydesdale). The SFG was racing the mens B's and would have to tough out the cold for 3 laps.

Pre-race: I had brought both the CX and the 29'er with me. I made a race-time decision of the 29'er. Half-way through the 1st lap, I would discover how lucky I was with that decision. It was impossible to keep warm while trying to change into my cycling kit. At 6'4", the whole changing while sitting inside a vehicle thing just does not happen. I am a stand outside the truck and flash the world my naked butt type of guy. I think I speak for all the guys and gals that day that changing into a kit with cold chamois creme in 17 deg F weather is something that does not come natural. By the time I finished getting changed, the toes and fingers were numb.

The Race: By the time we were close to starting, I had pretty much lost all feeling in my hands and feet from the cold. After giving the C's their promised 1 minute head start, they turned loose the thundering heard of Clydesdales and B's SS. The course lead immediately into a sand pit dismount and then out onto a single track. The start was actually quite civilized due to the small numbers and the fact everyone was pretty much frozen. About 1/4 mile in, the course took a sharp 270 degree turn to the left and dropped down this nasty, rock laden ravine. As was the case with several of the decents, the mountain bikes were an advantage here because you could just let them run while the guys on CX bikes had to be more careful with the line. Halfway down the decent stood Cap'n slow by the side of the trail. I gave him the ol "Dude! You OK?" as I went barreling past. He gave a generic "Yeah" in response. That was the last most of us saw of Cap'n Slow for the day. I later found out that his genitalia had frozen so he went home to a warm blanket.

The course lead onto a wide hiking/biking path that wound along side Bear Creek..... Advantage CX bikes if you could push the power. It crossed over a bridge and continued along smooth, wide single-track for several miles towards Pelican Point. It was pretty slick in spots but still an advantage to the CX bikes. The main issue was the occasional rock in the single-track that was just looking for someone running carbon rims that it could bust. Pelican point brought another sand pit to run through followed by yet more single track. About what I would guess to be 3 miles into to the loop was this little beauty.

Seemingly harmless left hander turns into......




A fricken Water Crossing!
You could actually keep your feet dry if you took advantage
of the IC3 provided cinder block path on the right hand side.


When the original course was laid out, it was 80 deg F and we thought that a water crossing seemed like a cool idea. At 18 deg F and colder than a nun's navel, I was wondering what sick bastard wanted me to lose my toes to frost bite.

Along the single-track leading over to Carbon Peak, I got the nice surprise of the feeling coming back into my fingers. The toes were not going to thaw for a while.

The next major feature was Carbon Peak. This was where the race was won or lost in the mtn bike vs. CX bike competition. The muddy single track assent called for a low gear. Watching the single speeders go up what seem to be a 10 minute climb but was probably only half that was kinda painful.

It's a long way to the top!

The decent was a mud/ice covered, rock strewn, slick as snot single-track that was a big advantage for the mtn bike.







If you survived that, it dropped you off onto a climb that started out single-track and then turned onto a paved road. At the top of the climb waited the Gravel Pit of Death.

Entrance to the Gravel Pit of Death

Exit from the Gravel Pit of Death

The remaining 5 miles or so was single and double track with a large hill run-up (complete with double barriers) somewhere in the there.

The 2nd lap was just like the first one except is sucked much more. Spending 45 minutes at near max effort is something I have been able to get my mind around after a couple years of racing. Doing it for over 1.5 hours took all the "Come-on Man! You are on the final lap! You just gotta keep pushing till the end!" that I could muster.

The FMVC crew did not fair well. Cap'n Slow's frozen genitalia issue made him the first victim of this race. Shiek Yabouti flatted about 7 miles in and got a nice long walk. Lukas wisely decided that one lap on a SS for his first race was enough. On top of those DNF's we had one DFC. At the end of one lap, Dash just flat Didn't Fricken Care if he finished or not so he chose not.

I hung on long enough to claim victory in the group my mother-in-law calls "The Draft Horse Division".


Post Race: As soon as I stopped racing I could feel the cold take over. By the time I got to the truck to change the fingers were numb again. That lead to a decent challenge to get changed and took at least a half hour. We headed back up to the start/finish to cheer on Matt. Since his category runs late in the day at most races, most of us never hang around the race long enough to watch him roll. The IC3 guys had the foresight to bring a portable fire pit and set that bad boy up right next to the course. They had hot chocolate for all and through a pure stroke of genius, I remember to bring a bottle of schnapps. Somewhere between 3 cups of schnapps with some hot cocoa in it and 30 minutes standing as close to the fire as possible, the feeling started to come back in my extremities.

The groups doing 3 laps was an exercise in attrition. Many o rider succommed to our lure of fire and hot drinks and punted on finishing the race. Others seemed to only get stronger as the race went on. We thought for a while that the FMVC crew was going to be sorted into two groups......DNFs and winners. By the end of lap 2, Matt had worked is way though a good part of the A's field and was holding a 30 second lead on the next B's racer. In the end, it was not to be. He came in 2nd for the B's. He admitted to bonking and icing over about 3/4 the way through the last lap. All us fat kids pointed out that when you run more than 10% body fat, the fact that it was cold enough to freeze the balls off of a pool table did not hurt as bad. Fire, hot cocoa, and other liquids were immediately administered to cure his ills.


Da Booty: Below is a pic of the feast you get for winning the Clyde class of an IC3 race. The Chimay did not come from the promoter, that instead was a gift from Lukas for winning. I can tell you that this clydesdale is happier than a soccer mom with a new vibrator with the prize.

"The Bomb Fried Chimi" is just a bit over 1000 calories.
Just about what I expend in a CX race. Coincidence? I think not!

While cleaning up the course the next day, Tom and I discussed different ways to modify the course in order to make it more advantageous to race a CX bike and yet not make it a boring 11 mile road ride. We came up with a few ideas but it still needs work.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

BV, Frisco, and a FMVC Team Building Event

I actually broke down and raced! I chose to drive up to Buena Vista for the first race of the season for this FMVC'er. I had circled the BV race as soon as I saw the schedule. Not because I thought it would be a good idea to race at 8000 feet, but because BV is where me mum lives. She has never been able to make it down to see me cook up a meal in the kitchen of pain so the opportunity to take it to her home burg was not to be passed. I did a 3 week taper for the event. Week one was all the BBQ and beer I could stand at the Tour of Mo. Week 2's task was to catch a cold and have it hang on for way too long. Week 3 was way too much beer at Interbike.

The course laid out by the Doug and the SCR boys was top notch. Honestly, it was one of the funnest courses I have ever been on. There were some who complained about the turns being off camber and too soft. I kept my mouth shut but the voices in my head shouted "STFU Roadie! This course rocks!" I managed actually ride all 45 minutes without puking but I sure paid for every beer I had in Las Vegas the previous week. I believe I finished first of the fat guys. The refs had me a just under 2 minutes off the winning time at the end of the race but trust me, there was a big gap between all those little skinny bastards who were chasing Best Cross Rider points and me.

On prominent display in BV was the Colorado CX phenomenon of all Boulder racers' Subaru wagons dying at the Boulder County limits. The race the day before (in Boulder County) had 92 starters in the 35+ Cat 4's. The damn thing was not even a BCR/BCT points race! In contrast, only 24 could make it up the hill for 35+ Cat4 BCR/BCT points the next day.

I sincerely hope that BV becomes a normal stop on the ACA CX calendar, I will plan to hit it every year I can. It was that good.


The CX season was back in the mountains again this last weekend and I was going back to the scene of the accident. Last time I raced in Frisco, it was 6 weeks before I raced again. Cap'n Slow took the cold all of us on the FMVC squad have been fighting a bit harder that the others so he chose to sit this one out. That left Scotty, Dash, Rich and I to patrol the bottom half of the 35+ Cat 4's.

This years course had the same big-ass hill climb in it as last year. Just what my Clydesdale carcass needs. Things started off with a giggle when I actually got a call up. By virtue of the Boulder Subaru phenomenon, I was able to snag 5 points at BV due to the small field. Upon hearing my name called, I politely said "No Thanks". This race was going to take off straight up a hill. Starting at the front only meant that I was going to be in the way. There were 60 35+ Cat 4's in a race an over an hour drive into the mountain so some of the earth nuggets must have grouped together enough to where they thought it was save to leave the peoples republic of B. CO.

The race went OK. I tried to limit my losses on the hill by cresting it well over the 90% max heart rate level each lap and trying to recover on the downhill. The final lap had me battling with another Clydesdale. We sprinted through the last set of barriers side by side. I have no doubt we looked like 2 sorority girls fighting for the ice cream bar. Lucky for me, he pulled a flying bike prang on the remount and I lumbered across the finish line for the coveted 31st place! Mid pack... fricken sweet!

Last night, Rich and I had called for a Frites en Mayo Velo Club team event. The Western Regional tournament for the Womans Flat Track Derby Association was in town. We started things off by meeting at The Monk for several rounds of Belgian Beer and then headed off to the bouts. On the way down the hill from Frisco, I had received a text message from my nephew letting me know that one of Saturday night's bouts was going to be something special. The Denver Roller Dolls' Mile High Club was going against the Rocky Mountain Roller Girls' 5280 Fight Club for the first time since the two clubs had split. (A quick couple notes about my nephew. The damn guy has figured out to get the US Navy to pay him to go to college, remain the apple of his mother's eye and get a gig being a referee for the Denver Roll Dolls roller derby league under the skate name of Cougar Bait! That is a bit tough to top. He also shares the need for beer that I have so we meet up whenever possible.) They had to form some kind of a truce in order to co-host the tournament, but it is well known that these two clubs are not exactly the closest of allies.

The bout was epic, the beers were many, and none of the FMVC crew felt well enough to drive back up to Frisco and race this morning.

The official FMVC photographer called no joy on going up to Frisco so there are no pics of the race. But here are a few pics of the team event.




Dash models next years FMVC kit for Cap'n Slow and Cougar Bait




Strong accusations have highlighted the DRD vs. RMRG relationship over the years.




Hey Mom, Look who wants to join us for dinner!

Summing up cyclocross in 1000 words