Levi Leipheimer can suck it

What is it about Levi Leipheimer that makes me want to kick him in the stomach?  Well...let me tell you.

For starters, it's his riding style.  Oh great...another wheel sucker.  "Oh...I'll just sit back here and watch the race and decide the best time to make my attack.  What???  They attacked already???  Dammit!!!"  He clings on and never attacks the other riders.  Oh, well, that isn't quite true.  He does attack when he's up against riders that are a step or two below him like a few years ago in Cali and at the Gila when he was riding against a bunch of club racers.  To say that Levi sucks has multiple meanings.

Another reason I'd like to take his Road-ID and wrap it around his neck is his whiny-ness.  This guy has an excuse for everything. "Levi, why didn't you win today?"  "Well it was because of the wind, or I had a stomach problem, or I had wind, or something."  Excuses, excuses, excuses.  When he wins, it is because he felt really good but when he DOESN'T win, it isn't because the other riders are better.  Oh, no...he had a bad day, or someone cut across his wheel, or someone's chihuahua stepped out in front of him.  In his mind, he's never been beaten by anyone.  He just has bad luck when EVERYONE else has good luck.  Poor Levi.  He must have been born under a ladder in a black cat nursery. 

But the biggest reason I can't stand Levi is that he's a toadie.  Not a roadie, a toadie.  He glommed on with Lance and now he's part of the 'cool' crowd.  Except, he's not cool.  What's the opposite of cool?  Oh yeah...Levi Leipheimer.  At best he's a dorky sidekick.  He's Robin to Lance's Batman.  He's Barney to Lance's Andy.  Yet he persists in trying to act suave, talk cool, and behave bad-ass.  I'm sorry, but a bald, 5ft nothing dude who weighs 130 pounds is not bad-ass.  Unless of course you consider the chihuahua to be a bad ass dog and then yeah, Levi is bad-ass. 

For a chihuahua, not a cyclist.