'Cross season prep

Listen up, everyone.  If you have not already started preparing for 'cross season, you will fit in well with the FMVC team. 

We are starting our 'practice' sessions next week.  That gives about a month before the the first races that we will all participate in.   What can you do in a month?  Here are some suggestions.

• You can have 1/9th of a baby.
• You could go back and watch the Tour de France in its entirety
• You could lose 10 pounds (unless you are Cap'n Slow)
• You could gain 10 pounds (that's more like it!)
• You could make $5000 dollars working from home!

Or, you could get off your butt and start riding your bike in the dirt.  Personally I like the other items on my list but I suppose its time for off-road intervals.

 Stairs are a great way to improve fitness and also a great way to demonstrate your total lack of cyclocross ability as seen in the above picture.  NEVER lift your bike this way when going up the stairs.  Always have someone else carry it for you.

In this picture we see a person re-mounting the 'cross bike:

There are several things wrong with this picture.  The most obvious thing wrong with the remount is the color coordinated skinsuit, helmet, and bicycle.  You just don't do stuff like that unless your name is Matt Klick.

Next we have a picture of a poorly executed portage:

Not only is the rider running on the drive side of the bike (a big no-no), but the course is clearly ride-able at this point.  Further, the second person in the picture has made no effort to grab the jersey of the rider in front, nor has he attempted to take the beer-handup that is just out of the picture.  These two are clearly not ready for 'cross season.

Finally, we see some 'cross racers and fans that know what they are doing:

The fan has the beer open, ready for the rider who has levitated himself to the top of the hill.

In this picture we see another perfectly executed beer-handup:

Who among us wouldn't offer a beer to a man sinking in quicksand?

However, this gentleman has taken a few too many:

So use the beer handup wisely.

Finally, here's another picture of boobs: