FMVC Product Review - The Smooth Away

The backdrop:

So...... Last week I was on the germ tube to Rome.......... Rome, New York. The carrier my lovely company had chosen for me offered TV via a massive 5-inch visual display bolted into the seat that was thrust to 18 inches in front of my grill after the seat evidently just HAD to be reclined by the individual in front of me. So, as I was flipping through channels, I came across an commercial for the Smooth Away, a new way to remove unwanted hair. One viewing and I knew this product just had to be the schniznik. It was discovered in Europe! It was a fast, easy way to remove hair! It comes with it's own carrying case! It even exfoliates as you use it! All for only $14.99! I thought "Wow! A piece or rubber that can exfoliate. Who knew they made rubber that had it's own dead skin cells to shed?"

Fast forward to this week where I am down in Tucson, AZ, stolling through the grocery store in search of some Belgian beer, and what to my wandering eyes see? Ya damn right! And it is only $9.89! So, in the name of better cycling everywhere, I plop down for that bad boy along with my 12'er of Hoegaarden.


The Eval:
1) Packaging -

The pastel colors and the and overall happiness that the lady has using the product put me at ease. But, on closer observastion, that intense look she as as she was going after the upper lip gave me pause. And.... when I think "Sensitive Area" I don't exactly go to the underarm if you know what I mean. However, I tell myself..... This is in the name of CX my man, feel the pain!

The Triple "No"!

The back cover was more of the same. She seemed to be damn happy to be busting the fuzz on her elbow but again pretty intense on the upper lip.

Just exactly how long to you need to use the Smooth Away

before you have the desire to wear pink underwear?

The carrying case. I'm really glad this was included. Really.



Thankfully, I STOP!ed and read the instuctions.
Else I might have ate that Silica packet.

2) Product

Upon close examination, I discovered that what the Smooth Away really is nothing more than a piece of 1000 grit sand paper with a adheasive backing. The fine folks at Smooth Away insist that they are Flex-Crystal Hair Removal Pads, but trust me, this is sand paper.

Large Flex-Crystal Hair Removal Pad... AKA, hand sander.

3) Usage:
So.... great... the plan here is to basically sand the hair off my body. This outta be fun. There was no document titled "Instructions" that could be read carefully as the flyer advised. However there was another document with a whole bunch of words on it that gave hints for better results. The first pointer was "Buff in circular motions. Go clockwise 3 times on one area, and then counter clockwise 3 times in the same area." I am thinking.... "I got this, just like when Pat Morita showed how to "Asand all of floor!". Then my mind briefly flashed to the thought of me hand sanding a "sensitive area".... That might have to wait. For now, lets buff out a leg.

I picked a spot on the left shin, give it 3 clockwise and 3 counter clockwise, and inspected. Still full of hair. Harrumph! Maybe 6 and 6 is the trick? Nope... less hair than before but still there. Maybe 3 and 3 with more pressure? Not really. After many different tests.... it turned out that the secret was major amounts of sanding. 35 minutes later, I got most of the left leg done. And my right shoulder is cooked from all the work. By now, I have totally given up on the "Sensitive Area" test. As middle ground, I worked over some recent road rash. Not the best feeling in the world... but..... getting the original tattoo was more painful.

4) Summary:

Going after your legs with a piece of Sandpaper actually works. Who knew? But, you may want to have last weeks Superprestige race all queued up to watch cause this is going to take a while. Some where along the line, you will want to wear pink underwear.... at least that is what the box shows.

And.... if one of you out there wants to test out that whole "Sensitive Area" concept. Let me know how that works for ya.