Last week I went into a trance, started at the stars, and the universe spoke to me about all that it knows. The future was shown to me in a 7 earth day increment. So last night, I asked the universe to deliver more tidbits so that I could spew forth wisdom to my loyal readers.
Aquarius: You are loving and caring. Give some money to hobos.
Pisces: This is not a good week to give up heroin.
Aries: Your ability to relax will be put to the test. Go buy some tequila and a hooker. That should help.
Taurus: Keep your big trap shut this week because nobody believes a damn word you say.
Gemini: Nice mullet.
Cancer: You will get sick this week and then feel better. But then you'll get sick again. Sorry.
Leo: Don't be that guy.
Virgo: Your lucky number is 5. But you still won't win the lottery.
Libra: Clean your bicycle. Its filthy and people are starting to turn away in disgust.
Scorpio: Live today like there is no tomorrow. For you, there isn't.
Sagittarius: Those two girls? Yeah, those. More than meets the eye, if you know what I mean.
Capricorn: You are about to embark on a journey of your soul. Enjoy the ride.
Called it. Cross bike - nauseating/ muddy, Weird old school Bontrager mountain Franken bike - revolting/ muddy. Ex Chick petite little Yeti - where the hell did I put that bike? Dentist bike ( My Serotta) - pristine because I cleaned it. Troubling. Libra, quite possibly struggling with gender issues, hate working in technolgy. Jesus, I need an AA meeting.
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