So it was with excited excitement that I went to Greeley, Colorado on Saturday the 12th to watch a BMX race and support Mark Salmon, Frites en Mayo's only BMX racer.
First, a little about Greeley. It smells. Awful. Kinda like a million chicken coops all ventilating their chicken toxins like a Japanese reactor. Second, if you use Google maps and a Droid-X, its damn near impossible to leave Greeley.
So there I was, in Greeley, outside a rodeo stadium the size of Coors Field. Beside the stadium was the building that housed the BMX event. When it isn't being used for BMX, it is used for storing tractors, diesel fuel, and deep fried turkey legs.
My daughter and I arrived with Mark and his daughter. The kids rode in the dirt parking lot, came inside, ate all the taquitos, drank all the soda, and then went back for another ride. All in all, the kids rode about 3 hours. Mark on the other hand, raced for about 2 minutes.
Why did he ride such a short amount of time? Well, because BMX consists of 'motos' which is a term derived from the motocross world. Each moto lasts 1 lap of the track and takes about 40 seconds. Its a full out sprint from the start to the finish and the first person to cross the line gets a point. Next guy gets 2 points. Next next guy gets 3 points. And so on. Lowest point total thru 3 motos is crowned king.
So, Mark warmed up and seemed pretty excited about his first BMX race since he retired from the sport 17 years ago. His warmup laps were uneventful meaning he didn't crash and break anything. Further, his warmups fueled his already growing excitement for the actual race. At one point, I figured he was going to pee himself he was so excited.
Race time. Mark lined up with 2 others in his age category. See, BMX uses an age category kind of like ACA does in 'cross except BMX does it right. There's no cat-4, over 35, bike value less than 2000, body fat over 20%, category like the ACA seems to invent. Nope, in BMX its simply "How old are you?" and "Ok, here's your start time". Nice! So apparently, there are only 2 other BMX-ers near the age of Mark and that's kind of sad.
When the gate dropped, the crackling sounds of old bones and popping ligaments could heard throughout the arena. Those guys shot out of the gate with speeds approaching "Nerf ball being thrown by a three year old". Toward the first jump and Mark was in second place. First turn, a high speed, banked, right hander, proved to be tricky for the leader and Mark gained a little time. Then it was onto the second straightaway with its wide variety of jumps and into the second turn, a high banked, tight right hander. At the end of the turn, Mark was still in second place ready to finish off the leader the way Cap'n Slow finishes off a box of cookies. Over the third straight and its rhythm section. Mark handled it well and set himself up for what is now known in BMX lore as "The Salmon Maneuver". At the end of the rhythm section was a hard left hand turn that, if navigated correctly, had the potential to launch the rider into a full on sprint to the finish. Mark displayed his patented move which goes something like this: stay low in the turn, no brakes, keep pedaling, and turn so hard as to nearly taco the front wheel. Yep, he pulled off this move, effectively squaring off the left hand turn, and was up to sprint speed before the leader had completed his turn. Mark won the sprint by a bike length. Nicely done!
Second moto was boring. Mark took the hole shot and destroyed the field, riding backward across the finish line while eating a deep fried turkey leg handed to him by a BMX groupie named BMX-rated Rosie.
Third moto. All Mark has to do is finish second and he gets the win. Out of the gate, he was a second behind. Apparently the turkey leg did not agree with him. Or perhaps Rosie did. Who knows. Anyway, he pulled the same stunt in the final turn, The Salmon Maneuver, and won the sprint by a wheel. Three motos, three victories and the overall win for his category on Saturday.
Congratulations, Mark! You have achieved the status all the members of Frites strive for: sandbagger.
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