Cap'n Slow's Offseason Challenge

We all know 'cross season is officially over and we are sad.  

There are no more ACA races until 2010 and therefore no more opportunities to line up with 85 of your best friends in the 35+4 category.  No more chances to watch in person as Danny Summerhill rides the legs off the competition that can legally drink.  No more opportunities for Tom to annoy Yvonne.  And there are only a few shopping days until we celebrate the birth of the baby Jesus (I had no idea he was Mexican)

I think myrrh is a type of fish, kinda like a snapper.

On to the topic at hand.  We all know that the offseason is perfect for putting in those aerobic, base miles that allow you to go fast when the season starts.  And we all know that instead, we will eat and get fat.  

So, this offseason why not improve your knowledge of texting shorthand?  We all know that BRB means "buy real bacon", WTF means "widespread tiger flatulence" and IMO means "intense monkey orgasm".  But as 'cross racers and avid readers of the Frites en May blog, we owe it to ourselves and our audience 

to be more leading edge, more hip and with-it.  So learn the shorthand and invent your own that relate specifically to cyclocross.  We all know what DFL and JRA mean.  But we can add more to our 'cross library.  What about NGD (Now Getting Drunk)?  This is very useful as it can be combined with HAM (Had A Mechanical), GMAHTM (Got My Ass Handed To Me), or a variety of others.  

Consider this long winded SMS between friends:

"where's the free beer?"

"bad news, dude.  no more free beer."

"I'm going home."  

Who want's to type all that?  I didn't like typing all those words on a full sized keyboard.  Now consider the expedited version:

WTFB?  

BNDNMFB.  

IGH.

Much better.

Describing the course layout or the conditions of the course can take a long time.  So why not add the special features of the course to your shorthand vernacular?  Course layout could include the SOD (Spiral Of Death) or the RUFD (Run Up-Fall Down) that we encountered at States.  Or the RCOD (River Crossing Of Death) at Bandido.  LOOCS and MAH you say?  Ahh, you mean "Lots Of Off Camber Shit" and "Muddy As Hell".

This is all very good but how would you describe the actual racing?  OTF (Off The Front) and OTB (Off The Back) we all use.  Somebody crashed hard?  DGF...Down Goes Frasier!  How about when someone tries riding the sand pit and augers in?

They always end up helmet first, ostrich style. HFOS.  

I wish all of you a MCAHNY.  No, that's not a roller derby name.