Off Season Upgrades

I recently had the pleasure of seeing the FMVC guys at Brian and Laurie's holiday party. The team approaches holiday parties similar to other social events as well as races, EDR in cycling vernacular (Eat, Drink, and Repeat).

In fact, Big Tom hooked us all up with some swag for Christmas - a bottle opener in the shape of a bicycle. You’ve gotta love that! Our reputation as a small drinking team with a slight cycling problem clearly precedes us.

Most conversations among cyclists will quickly or eventually get around to how to improve performance, and this party was no different. There was the inevitable conversation about various upgrades, which included component groups, wheelsets, and possibly attaching Estes rocket engines and/or potato-cannons to either provide increased velocity or at least to scare the hell out of the other riders for a competitive advantage. As our racing ages are all creeping up, we are seriously considering the sage wisdom that ‘old age and treachery can overcome youth and enthusiasm.”

So, I’m considering a few off-season changes, however probably not to the bike. That would be too obvious. This year, team discussions have frequently revolved around hair.

Yes, hair. You’ll typically see cycling racers on TV and elsewhere sporting a fairly short haircut, potentially to totally shaved like Levi. In fact, at the party there were a few teammates sporting a fairly fresh buzz cut, or for the sake of this conversation - the ‘Sinead O’Connor’.

However, this team is always looking to push the boundaries and explore new territory. For example, one party attendee’s hairstyle and beard was quickly labeled ‘The Ted Kaczynski’ (a.k.a. the Unabomber). Another case in point, Brian went from a flat-top to sporting a mullet this year.

There probably wouldn’t be any conversation around this hair topic if it wasn’t for the fact that he is riding super strong too. So, not only does Brian take off at the start and quickly leave you behind to suffer, he throws in a hair-flip while doing it, maybe for style points. The “business in the front and party in the back” is especially apparent while you’re behind him. Maybe there are some special aerodynamics involved here.

So, I clearly need to do something hair wise. I’m seriously considering the Mullet but I don’t want to be a copycat. One that seems to be garnering a lot of attention and public support is ‘The Kate’, from Jon and Kate Plus Eight.

My primary concern is that the extra spikey hair on the top will interfere with the aerodynamics or create a serious case of helmet hair. Plus is also reminds me of my attempt to follow 'The Rachel' in the 90s.No, no. I need something really impactful – something to really help me stand out from the crowd. Like a lone wolf, something rogue-ish.

That’s it. I’m Going Rogue. See you next year at the races. Hopefully, you’ll be able to spot me!