Cap'n Slow's Advice Column: Becoming a Cat-3 rider

Things have happened on the Frites en Mayo team.  There's been a change in the air.  Or maybe just a change of baselayers.  Who knows.  But this change has brought about a new interest in actually racing well.  Yeah, it goes against the foundations of the Frites team and has caused a bit of dissension amongst some of the Frites riders.  But, the seas of change are blowing and the ever increasing dust cloud of transformation is threatening to boil away the old Frites mindset.

Old:  show up, ride, drink beer.

New:  train, show up, ride, drink beer.

Even behind the dusty dust cloud of mutation you can smell a clear difference to the Frites riders this year.  We've actually started to take racing seriously.  Not so seriously that we have quit our day jobs to train 6 hours a day.  Not so seriously that we've taken to eating nothing but Spanish beef.  But, seriously enough that we have a training plan and, dare I say it, racing goals.

Some of the team members have been training a while.  Me?  Only since September.  The training has made me strong like small dog and fast like panda.  Someday I hope to be strong like bull and fast like squirrel.  But hey!  One step at a time.  I have some clear goals and some equally clear methods of how to achieve those goals.  So, because I'm sure you have read enough preamble, I will share with you one of my goals and the steps I plan to take to achieve that goal.

My goal is to upgrade from the dregs of 35+4 drudgery and the millions of minions who clog up the course like that 5th donut in my arteries.  Yes...the Cap'n has a goal of becoming a Cat-3 racer.  

Shut up.  Its not that funny.

So now I present to you, Cap'n Slow's Cat-3 Upgrade Advice
1)  Be sure to have a clear, attainable goal.  The first year, my goal was to drink more beer than Dash.  While that goal was very clear, it was also completely unattainable.  That's like setting a goal to tap more hookers than Tiger Woods.  Ain't gonna happen.
2)  Have quantifiable milestones.  I've done that.  At first I wanted to be a better rider.  Lame.  Then I set some milestones and have worked toward them.
3)  Don't ride tubeless or tubular tires.  How many more times to Rich and Brian and Dash have to be hit over the head before they learn this?  Clinchers are cheaper, more durable, and easier to deal with.  I've never heard of anyone 'burping' a clincher.
4)  Listen to Mr. Big Guy.  This is obvious.  If MBG says race, you race.  If he says take a day off, you take a day off.  If he says jump, you jump and you don't come down until he says so.  Chuck Norris listens to Mr. Big Guy.  'nuf said.
5)  Master the techniques of 'cross.  Running thru sand and over barriers are both essential to 'cross courses.  Currently, the only time I run is if I'm being chased by a bear.  And there are very few bears on the course.  Learning how to remount the bike without getting nutted is a good place to start when working on technique.  But, I have testicles like Idaho Russets and remounts are tricky for me.

If you follow this advice, I can guarantee with great accuracy (+- 50%) that you will be successful in your quest for the Cat-3 holy grail.

Cap'n