Interview with the fast guy

The Colorado State Cyclocross Championships of Colorado have come and gone.  This weekend we saw some of the top sandbaggers in the state compete for grand prizes and bragging rights and a jersey that says "I just won the state championships and all I got was this lousy jersey".

Whenever a big event like this rolls around, I am inclined to speak with our resident Frites en Mayo skinny-fast guy, Matt Klick.

"During the week, I am a Yeti."

Matt has moved into the territory of cat-3 contender and after the race I spoke with Matt about his training, his tactics, and his ability to grow a beard in 45 minutes that would make Chuck Norris jealous.

"Matt Klick's beard makes me jealous."

What follows is an actual interview with Matt Klick (as far as you know).

Capn:  Matt...I am so disappointed with your ride today.  Third?  That's all you could manage?  THIRD?

Matt:  What?  Wha?  I did my best! 

Capn:  THIRD!!!!  YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WIN!!!  I LOST AN ENTIRE MONTHS SUPPLY OF CHUCK COYLE'S SPECIAL "STRAWBERRY PRESERVES" ON THIS RACE!!!

Matt:  Umm...I don't know what to say...I rode as hard as I could.

Capn:  Don't say anything.  Lets just do the interview.

Matt:  Ummm...Ok....

[hours later...]

Capn:  So Matt...when was the last time you actually WON a race?

Matt:  Are you still mad?  That was hours ago.  Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of a delicate flower?

Capn:  I'm not mad.  I'm cold and frightened.  I'm having withdrawal symptoms and Chuck wants to know where his money is. 

Matt:  Oh.  Well, to answer your question, I won a race or two last year and finished second last week.  I haven't won in a while but I'm getting closer.

Capn:  Ok.  So when do you PLAN on winning a race?

Matt:  Next week.

Capn:  You better.  I need my fix and Chuck is gonna be upset if he ever finds out I used his credit card.

[dramatic pause while Cap'n Slow sobs in the corner...]

Matt:  Umm...I can come back later.   Would that be best?

Capn:  No no...lets do this.  Matt, tell me about training with Randy Gaffney.

Matt:  This year I trained with Randy Gaffney.  He's a scary man.  I feel like I'm being coached by Tony Soprano.

Capn:  Fascinating.  Did you learn anything?

Matt:  Well, Randy taught me to ride with fear and at the same time look sexy in a skinsuit.

Capn:  That IS one sexy looking skinsuit.

Matt:  Yeah, it makes my junk look bigger.

Capn:  Really?  I feel sorry for your wife.

Matt:  Huh?  What's that supposed to mean?

Capn:  Nothing.  Just talking out of my ass here.  Anyway...Matt, what is the biggest change from racing last year to racing this year?

Matt:  Probably the skinsuit.  I attribute all of my success to the junk enhancing properties of the skinsuit.  I haven't taken it off since I first put it on.

Capn:  Must be hard to pee...

Matt:  Not really.  It has a very absorbent chamois.

Capn:  Snazzy!  Does it have any other great qualities?

Matt:  Yes it does, thanks for asking.  In addition, it gives me the ability to see 3 seconds into the future.

Capn:  Really?  That's not a very good super power.

Matt:  I knew you were going to say that.

Capn:  Good one, Matt!  Hey...about the race today:  why did you keep looking behind you on the last two laps?

Matt:  Oh God....I sure hope Coach Gaffney didn't see me do that.  He beats me with an inner tube whenever he catches me doing that.  That's not going in the interview is it?  Please don't tell him I looked behind me!

Capn:  Your secret's safe with me.  One final question, Matt.  We noticed that at the beginning of the race you were clean shaven but 45 minutes later, you had a full beard.  Would you say you are the hairiest man in the cat-3 category?

Matt:  Yes.  My new nickname should be "Chew-bike-a".  I mean, look at me!  I'm like a damn wookie.

So yeah, Matt Klick is fast.  Mat Klick is furry.  And he is also:  #3 in cat-3 at States!  

Congratulations, Matt!  We're all proud of you and envious of that sexy skinsuit.